The Mistress (Flying)

SAA (Sports Aircraft Association) have a fly-in every Waitangi weekend (February). It alternates between the North Island and South Island each year. The southern event is held in Ashburton and is called the Great Plains fly-in which is appropriate as Ashburton is on the Canterbury plains. I attended the 2007 event and this piece came to mind. 

The Mistress

There is a curious thing that happens to men when they realise age is catching up on them. In order to recapture their long gone youth they find someone much younger and prettier than themselves to compensate. Makes them feel young and virile again. Its not new it’s an age-old phenomenon.

Normally sensible, conservative, quiet men start giggling like teenagers. Set up secret bank accounts. Slip out after dinner for a couple of hours “to the shed” and are gone until 2am. They suddenly have business meetings in out of the way towns all weekend. They get secretive and cagey about where they’ve been and who with. They come home with odd smells, fibres and substances on their clothing.  Worst of all is the constantly grinning like Cheshire cats.

Normally this activity takes place with just two parties involved at a secluded low-key location where they are not likely to be caught by anybody who knows them. This weekend I’ve uncovered a whole swarm of them brazenly throwing caution to the wind and openly flaunting their mistresses for all to see. What’s worse they are exposing the good people of Ashburton to this flagrant behaviour. If we are not careful it will catch on and more men will take up this activity.

It’s a kind of temporary insanity where they will spend hours planning the get away. Looking anxiously at the weather, booking a motel under Mr and Mrs Smith, coming up with excuses why this weekend isn’t a good weekend to mow the lawn (because the lawnmower is broken), fix the lawnmower (because they have to get a special part from the States), putting up that new trellis or going to the mother-in-laws for Sunday lunch.

My observations at Ashburton were nearly more than I could bear. When they thought nobody was watching PDA (public displays of affection) occurred. Constant massaging with essential oils until their mistresses skin simply shone. Much touching and stroking of the prop, gently running the fingers over the instruments and almost audible cooing. Some of these men tried to make other men jealous by removing coverings and exposing prominent parts of their mistress’s physique.   

I noticed that they basically fell into two camps. Those that threw a cover over their object of desire and pretended they just happened to have business in Ashburton and those that took to the skies and unashamedly showed off their new toy. Some would sneak away for an hour at a time and come back looking just a bit too pleased with themselves. Bit like a seventeen year old who thinks he’s got away with having his girlfriend over for the weekend while his parents where in Queenstown.

If this wasn’t enough there was a certain COW who hardly appeared in public only to vanish again into the skies. This had to be their first weekend away. One fella had his maiden mistress out for her first outing. A bit shy staying well out of sight for most of her showing. One churlish girl threw her cheap ring away and demanded a new more expensive one. A Starlet was duly dispatched to Cust and a brand new glossy rubber ring was placed on a delicate appendage within the hour. See what I mean they’ll do anything to impress.  

Some brave blokes think they have a handle on this game and dare to bring both wife and mistress. Juggling the affections of both. Sometimes blokes will let their wives have a mistress and  things gets really confusing when their real mistress brings the other mistress.

Most sensible wives see this mistress phenomenon coming and recognise there is no winning. They   over vital issues (like where the lawnmower key is) and she knows his friends will make sure he doesn’t make a complete fool of himself. Besides they come back in much better moods.
either join in or take up golf. They also are rather pleased because as one wife said in blokes and their sheds “saves him coming in and lifting the lids of the pots in my kitchen”. Generally fly-in locations are well advertised, cell phones mean instant communication

 
Generally women who fly to these events are far more grounded and don’t need to prove virility or youth so we can just sit back and watch knowingly, laughing at the strutting peacocks and admiring their young beauties.

Published Sport Flying Autumn 2007